Sharing Self-Care on Instagram

You only have to look at the number of shelves devoted to self-help in bookstores, the quantity of wellness apps in the App Store, or the frequency of self-care posts on Instagram to see that self-help and self-care are popular topics.   This is actually a very good sign.  Self-help and self-care reflect a fundamental optimism that we can make changes in our lives and that through directed effort, whether it’s targeting how we think or what we do, that we can increase the likelihood of positive outcomes.   This optimism, what psychologists would call self-efficacy, says that we believe that we can take action and make things happen.

Our belief in our ability to make change is linked to a cognitive bias called the Law of Attraction which, in spite of its name, is not about the attractiveness of someone.  It says that we have an innate tendency to believe in the ability to attract into our lives whatever we focus on; that we inherently believe in the power of our thoughts to create new outcomes.   Whether you view it as the power of positive thinking or our ability to manifest thought and intention into physical energy doesn’t matter.

Self-Care Signals Self-Esteem

Self-care is evidence of our belief in our own ability to make change.  Self-care is the act of finding and engaging in behaviors that increase our chances of achieving desired results, whether it’s a beautiful garden, glowing skin, better relationships, or tighter abs.  This is similar to approaches used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to change behavior–although CBT is empirically validated, which is another way of saying based on a bunch of experiments to figure out which approaches work best for specific goals and challenges. When people post working out, new hairstyles or beauty products on social media, they are modeling ways of achieving goals and can therefore inspire others to undertake similar behaviors if 1) a positive outcome is shown and 2) we think we have the ability to do it. In CBT, we ask people to alter their beliefs by learning different and more adaptive behaviors to achieve their goals.  Learning can happen by internal visualization or by seeing it modeled in the environment.

People who share their self-care practices are benefitting from the effort of the practice and reinforcing their own beliefs in the law of attraction, modeling that behavior for others and receiving social validation for sharing the knowledge and inspiration and demonstrating optimism about the possibility of change.

‘Likes’ Make You Feel Good

It’s true.  Receiving likes and comments on social media trigger the reward center in our brains.  Not surprising, nor is it a bad thing.  Humans are social animals. Likes make everyone feel good. We all crave social acceptance and social validation. It is a biological and psychological response.  How we interpret the Likes is what determines whether they are good for us or not.  And that is entirely under our own control.  If we see Likes a reflection of our worth, rather than the results of an action or accomplishment  we are not only doing ourselves a psychological disservice, we are effectively handing over our power.  As long as we can view the Likes as related to the content and giving people something they find valuable, such as trying out a new lipstick or a new hobby, instead of as a personal reflection, then the social validation can feel good and reinforce our sense of competence which is what builds our self-esteem.  If we start to look for Likes as a way of being personality-valued, we will continually have an empty bucket.  Self-esteem is just like it sounds, esteem of the self.  You can only give that to yourself.

Social Recognition vs. Social Motivation

Posting about self-care can reinforce a person’s desire to continue with positive behaviors, such as diet or exercise. Seeing progress and evidence of one’s behavior is rewarding; having people respond with various kinds of validation and encouragement would also help sustain the motivation to maintain positive behaviors.   There is a tendency to a knee-jerk response to view social media posting as a negative.  It is quickly labeled as “seeking social recognition” as if it were all bragging or posturing.  There are braggarts and posturers, of course, but sharing on social media isn’t just a one size fits all behavior.  Our motivations and goals, context, and intentions change the meaning of experiences.   Sharing any activity can reinforce our appreciation of an event by making us more reflective and mindful which increases meaning and enjoyment, as well as making us feel more connected to the people we share with.

Self-Care Is a Component of Self-Love

Of all the things people share, behaviors that are the result of creativity and kindness such as showing self-care behaviors in healthy and encouraging ways are very positive. It can inspire people to try things and to cultivate the belief that they have the power to make changes. Self-care people is not wishing and hoping for a different outcome; it is taking action with a goal.

Self-care is also a component of “self-love” or self-acceptance and self-esteem. If we don’t feel worthy, it changes how we go about everything, from relationships to coping with life’s difficulties. While no single action of self-care is going to change our self-esteem, observing self-care actions through demonstration or engaging in them can increase intentionality, a component of mindfulness, and sends a message to our brain.  When we invest in ourselves, we increase our self-worth.  Focusing on the sharing rather than the act of self-care itself, defeats the purpose of self-care and gives away our power to others.  Each post can become a source of stress and negative emotions if we rely on others to tell us we’re ok.  Note this is not just true of social media interactions.  This is true of any action, on or offline, that is performed for the sake of getting approval rather than for some intrinsic value.

So if you have a tendency to invest a little too much in Likes, pay attention to your emotional responses so that you can decide which ones trigger positive versus negative moods.  Keep a social media diary for a few days to track your use, purpose and moods.  That’s the first step in taking charge.  You don’t have to give up Instagram.  It can be a positive and socially rewarding experience if you pay attention so you can exercise mindful and intentional use.  As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”